Our Loss

Last Monday I went to the Dr. for my 12 week check up. I saw the nurse that day. Before I even got on the exam table she told me that they were going to try to hear the heartbeat of the baby with the doppler, but since it was still early in the pregnancy she wasn't sure we would be able to hear it. She tried and couldn't find it so she sent me into ultra sound saying it was just for kicks and so we could have the reassurance everything was okay. When I got into ultra sound I knew something was not right because the ultra sound tech said the machine was acting up and she needed to move me to another room with a better machine. The second room had a huge flat screen right above me where I could see the ultra sound pictures. As soon as I saw the baby my heart sank because I saw no little heartbeat flicker. She could not find a heartbeat and the baby was only measuring 10 weeks 3 days.
It came as a complete shock to me because I had no cramping or bleeding and I expected everything to be okay. I think I really had a false sense of security with the pregnancy because I had Abby. I did a lot more worrying about miscarriage when I was pregnant with her. I am not sure why, but I really never was worried this time. I guess I should have been.
The doctor scheduled me for a D&C the next day. During this procedure they remove the fetus and placenta. I had the D&C at 7pm on Tuesday the 22nd. I was put completely under for it, but was only out for a short time. I woke up in recovery at 7:30pm and was released at 7:45pm. I had no pain or cramping until Saturday. I am still having some cramping but haven't needed anything other than Motrin.
It has been an extremely sad time for us, but I have been so blessed with great friends who have been so supportive. I have never seen the power of prayer as strong as it has been through all this. I have felt a real sense of peace about the situation. It is very obvious that I have been comforted and had someone looking out for me. I know that this baby was not meant to be ours and that there is something else for us in the future. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and that God had a good reason to take this baby. I find a lot of comfort in knowing that Abby has an angel in heaven watching over their big sister for the rest of her life.
Some days are better than others, but mostly I just feel so blessed for all the good things I have been given. I feel so lucky to have Abby and know now more than ever that she is an incredible gift.
My biggest fears now are just about our ability to conceive again and the possibility of having another miscarriage. I know that it will be a complete wreck for my entire pregnancy if we are lucky enough to conceive again. I am going to make poor Marc attend every little Dr. appt. just in case we get bad news again. I hope that we will have a wonderful healthy pregnancy in 2010. Right now I am still trying to adjust to not being pregnant anymore. It is just weird to have everything change unexpectedly in a split second.
We am so incredibly lucky to have such great friends who have been so amazing and supportive in helping us through this difficult time. We have so much to be thankful for and know that this is all part of the plan.
"Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride"

Smart Little Cookie

Since it is my blog, I figure I am allowed to brag about my baby...right? Well, I am going to anyway. Abby still doesn't talk a whole lot but within the last few days we have realized that she can identify and say all the letters in the alphabet. She LOVES to look at letters and say what they are. She always gets in the bathtub (with no water) to play with her foam letters. She will hold it up for me, say the letter (and some numbers) and then throw them out of the tub. Then she will get out of the tub. It is crazy to me that she doesn't say much, yet knows all the letters. I guess it just goes to show that she comprehends a lot more than she lets on.
On another note, she has now figured out how to get her jammies unzipped and take her diaper off. It is a good thing she still sleeps in her sleep sack and can't do that at night. Although if she can get her jammies unzipped, I am sure it won't be long before the sleep sack comes off too!

Exciting News

Abby is going to be a big sister!!! We are expecting baby #2. My due date is July 8, 2010. I am almost 8 weeks along. We went to the Dr. today for our second ultra sound. We got to see and hear the baby's heartbeat. The heart rate was 162, which is nice and high just like Abby's always was.
I have been feeling pretty lousy. Lots of nausea and really really bad heartburn. I am hoping to get a little relief though. The Dr. told me today that I can take Zantac since Tums are not helping at all. So, I will start taking the Zantac twice a day and hope for the best. The Dr. also said he can give me a prescription for the nausea but that it can cause some pretty horrible constipation and that is definitely not desirable. lol! But he also said that if I can get the heartburn under control, the nausea won't seem as bad.

I am going to a different Dr. this time around and I absolutely LOVE him! Yes, he is a him. I have always had a thing about not going to a male OBGYN but after having Abby and having everyone in the world see "down there" I pretty much got over it. Several times during my labor with Abby, I had a male Dr. help out. Once to break my water and once to place an internal monitor on Abby. So anyway, I got over it. I am seeing Dr. McKernan who was a recommendation from my bff, Jenny. Thanks again Skiz! He is great. He is just so awesome and has the best bedside manner I have ever seen in a Dr. Today at my appointment he took the time to go get Abby some gummy bears and a candy bracelet. She was thrilled!!!! I just can't rave enough about him. He really takes his time with his patients when answering questions and really explains everything. I really can't say enough good things about him! AND all of my appointments are with him, not a nurse practitioner. With Abby, I think I saw the nurse practitioner for 80% of my appointments.

Dr. McKernan was very positive about the possibility of me beating the gestational diabetes this time around so I am hopeful. I really don't want to go through that again. I have been a lot more active already than I was with Abby so that might help. Dr. McKernan said that a lot of it is luck of the draw but that he has seen plenty of GD moms not get it again the second time around. I read online that once you have it there is a 75% chance you will have it again with future pregnancies, but I remain hopeful. My goal is to only gain 20-25 lbs with this pregnancy. With Abby I gained 40 lbs and all of it was gained in the first 28 weeks. Fingers crossed!!!!

Marc thinks he is positive that we are having a boy and I think we are having another girl. We will see who is right in another 12 weeks!

We know for sure we are having a planned c-section this time around. After having my tailbone broken during Abby's birth it is not advisable to have another vaginal delivery. The chances that it would break again are pretty good since it has already been broken. I would much rather take a couple of weeks of recovery from a c-section than two years or more to recover from a broken tailbone again.

Bless You Mama

So I just had to quickly share the cutest new thing Abby is doing. She has started to say bless you anytime anyone sneezes. It is so stinkin' cute the way she says it in her little voice. She even blesses the dog when she sneezes. She never just says bless you. She always attaches the name to the end. The other day I sneezed in the car and she said "bess you Mama" and then continued on to bless everyone else in our family in this order...."bess you Daddy, bess you Abba (funny that she even blesses herself), bess you Layla, bess you Mow " (she has always called kitties Mow, if you ask her to say doggy she will say doggy. If you ask her to say kitty, she will say mow :) ) Today I have had a cough all day and every time I cough she says bess you Mama. It is so cute I can barely stand it!!! I guess "Bless you Mama" is her first three word phrase. So much fun! I just love this age!

Gym Daycare Update

Abby is doing pretty good now when I drop her off. She will start whining as soon as we are close in the car and then continue to say Mama, Mama, Mama until I leave. She doesn't cry much anymore though. Just acts sad and whines. By the time I get to the monitor to see her, she is off playing already. I have been able to go three days a week and I LOVE it. I am SO happy to be back in a gym again.

Day #3 at Gym Daycare

I guess 3rd time is the charm. Abby flipped out when I left her in the daycare yesterday. She didn't want to let go of me. She cried and yelled "mama". I just had them pull her in and I left quickly. I immediately went to the monitor to watch her. All I could see was that the girl who took her in was holding her and then sitting on the floor with her. I couldn't tell if she was still crying or not. After about 10 minutes she got up and wandered out of the view of the camera. ( I assume she went to the little kitchen she likes to play with) I only left her in there about 45 minutes as I don't want to push my luck just yet since she will at least calm herself down. I don't want her to feel like she is in there very long until she is okay with being dropped off. When I picked her up she saw me and came running as fast as she could saying "mama mama". Before she saw me I was watching her and she was standing by the little slide they have, pushing trains down it, saying "go, go, go"! It was pretty cute. They said that she only cried for less than 5 minutes and then just sat there watching the other kids play dinosaurs. I hate that she cried when I dropped her off, but I am so glad she could at least calm herself down in less than 10 minutes so that they didn't call me to come pick her up. I know how good this time away from me is for her.

Day # 2 at Gym Daycare

Yesterday went just as well as Day #1!!!! However, this time she did at least get excited and run to me when she saw me come in to pick her up. It is so fun to watch her on the monitor. The only problem is that she LOVES the little play kitchen and it is out of sight of the camera. So, a lot of the time I can't see her. She has adopted a little baby doll both times she has been in. She carries it around with her the entire time she is in there. It is a good thing that I go at a slow time in the afternoon when there is only a few other kids in there. Otherwise, I don't think she would be able to hold on the baby very long before another child stole it away. We took today off, but will be back tomorrow. Keeping my fingers crossed that she continues to enjoy it in there!

Day #1 at Gym Daycare

Abby did AMAZING today. She didn't cry when I dropped her off or even seem to miss me. When I went in to pick her up she just looked at me and went back to playing. I was sooooo incredibly relieved. They have cameras in the daycare so of course I was glued to the TVs the entire time I was there so I could see what she was doing. She seemed to have a great time playing with all the toys they have. I went at a slow time so there was only a couple other kids in there and it wasn't too overwhelming for her.
I am still not completely convinced that I can breathe easy. She could decide at anytime that she doesn't want to be dropped off there. Today she didn't know what was going to happen. Next time she will know what is coming. We will go again tomorrow and hope she does just as good!

Gym Daycare

I got an early birthday present from Marc.....a 3 month membership to Mountainside Fitness. I have really been wanting to get back in the gym again. We have a nice home gym set up but it is hard to get a workout in when Abby is around. She is great about letting me do cardio on our elliptical, but that is it. If I am on the ground she is not having it! It is actually really cute because she will try to workout with me. Unfortunately, this usually means she is in the way or at risk of getting hurt. I also am looking forward to a larger variety of exercises I can do.

Soooooo....I will be leaving Abby for the very first time tomorrow. She has never been with a sitter other than my Mom or Marc's Mom and those times have been very few and far between. I have not left her outside of our house since she was 4 months old. I am super nervous. I don't think I will get much sleep tonight. I know it seems so silly but I am really freaked out about it. I am not worried for her safety or anything like that, I just feel horribly guilty because I know she will be very upset when I leave and cry like crazy. I keep reminding myself that a healthy and happy Mommy is what is best for her, but I still feel bad.

The plan is to give it two weeks of going every day before I give up. I am going to try to take her at the slowest time of the afternoon so she isn't too overwhelmed by everything going on in there and can get some one on one attention. I am not planning to even work out. The daycare will let her cry for 10 minutes before they call me in there. I am hoping that after a while she will realize I always come back and be able to handle being left in there. She is still super clingy and very weary of new people so I am not sure how long it will take. She freaks out when I just leave the room she is in at play dates. This will be very good for her if she learns that it is okay when Mommy leaves for a little while.

Wish me luck. It will probably be harder on me than it is on her. I hate to see my baby cry :(

Abby's New Words

Abby has added quite a few new words to her vocabulary in the last few days. I have to admit I am a little relieved because I was starting to think she might never talk. Although, I am sure I will look back fondly on these days at some point when I can't get her to STOP talking.

The latest additions to her vocab are Abby (Abba), Layla, Elmo, bite, please, yellow, blue, hi, and bye bye. This is in addition to the words she was already saying...mama, dada, dog, duck, more, on, off, up, down, ball, blankie (baba), bath, banana, cracker, Grandpa (papa), shoes, love (lof), Night Night, hot, hat, and help.

It is so fun to see her talking more. My absolute favorite is when I ask her what her name is and she gets all excited and says ABBA!!!!

Summer Fun

It has been extremely hot lately so we have been trying to spend as much time as possible in the water. We got a cheap little plastic pool for the backyard. Marc has been taking Abby out to the pool after dinner while I clean up. It is the best time of day for her to go out there because there is a little shade. She loves to get in and out of the pool and take water from the pool to dump on the patio. She calls any kind of water a bath. All day long she is grabbing my hand, pulling me to the back door and saying "bath" over and over again. It is these days over 100 degrees that really make me wish we had decided to have a pool put in when we built the house. Oh well, for sure in our next house!

Here are some pics of our recent adventures.....

Abby getting ready for some fun in the water

Playing in the pool at a play date

Hanging with Grandpa when he and Grandma were here in July

Swimming with Mommy

Mommy always makes me wear a hat in the sun!

Chillin' in my own little pool

Daddy likes my pool too!

Drinking out of the hose already!

Home Improvement

We still have many projects going on in our house but we finally finished a couple rooms. The dining room and 1 of 3 bathrooms is complete. I am really happy with how they both turned out. So happy I married a man who is so handy around the house!

Here is a list of what Marc did in the dining room:

• Painted (twice)
• Ripped out carpet and put in wood floors
• Installed blinds
• Put up crown moulding

Here are some pics while the work was being completed...

and the finished product.....

I didn't take pictures of the bathroom before we did it but just picture the blank slate they provide with all new builds (unless you pay them to upgrade).

Here is the list of what Marc did in the bathroom...

• Replaced all hardware (towel bars, toilet paper holder)
• Took down mirror and added framed mirror
• Replaced faucet
• Replaced light fixture
• Painted (twice)

Here is the finished product....

Abby is 18 Months

Abby had her 18 month checkup over a week or so ago. She did really well. She only had to get one shot so they let me hold her this time. She just watched them stick it in her leg and did not cry at all. I was so proud of her.

So, here are the stats. She weighs 28 lbs 13 oz (94th percentile) and is 36 inches tall (99th percentile). I heard somewhere that if you double a child's height at age 2 it is a good indicator of how tall they will be. If that is the case then Abby is going to be over 6 feet tall! She is slowly starting to thin out. Her roll on her chubby little thighs is getting smaller and smaller.

We are beginning to experience some of the typical toddler stuff. She has stopped eating many of the foods she used to love (as if she wasn't picky enough already). She has decided that meat is not cool and she only wants to eat bananas, bread, or yogurt. Hopefully this doesn't last very long. :) She is also starting to express her feelings a little more. (okay, call it what it is, she is throwing tantrums). It is actually a little funny because when she is told no she will throw whatever is in her hand on the ground, even if it is something she wants, like her blankie. She still only says a handful of words but I know eventually I will look back fondly on the days when she was so quiet! She is walking (or running) everywhere now and greatly enjoys climbing on the furniture.

Despite the occasional tantrum, we are having so much fun. I just love this age. She is like a little sponge and absorbs so much. She is constantly imitating me by pretending to put on make up, deodorant, lotion, etc. She also enjoys "helping" me sweep and vacuum. She lOVES to throw stuff away for me too. Every day she amazes me with something she has learned. It is so fun to watch her grow up yet so sad at the same time because I am slowly watching my baby turn into a little girl.

Think She Likes To Swing?

18 Month Pictures