35 Weeks

Oh my....only 26 days to go before I meet my sweet little miracle boy. I have such mixed emotions.

A big part of me wants him out ASAP so I can hold him in my arms and know he is okay. For some reason that feeling of anxiety I felt during the first 20 weeks about losing him has reared its ugly head again. Maybe just because I am so close to getting what I prayed so hard for? Not sure I will ever really get over the loss of two sweet babies. I also am really starting to feel the physical toll of pregnancy. My back and hips are ready to be done carrying the extra weight and the pressure "down below" is well, INTENSE! His head is already very low and wow can I tell! Standing isn't exactly comfortable anymore. My favorite place to be? The pool! Now I see why women want water births! It is amazing how much pressure is relieved in the water. The lovely 1st trimester heartburn and nausea has also reared its ugly head again (bad but still not nearly the to the degree of what I experienced for the first 18 weeks). I also cannot wait to ditch this horrible diet I follow because of the gestational diabetes! I just want some carbs and sugar people!!!

Another part of me wishes that time would slow down its crazy passing. Knowing this will be the absolute last time I am pregnant really makes me cherish every hiccup (which the poor little guys gets about 7 times a day) and kick. It is so amazing to me that we can grow little humans inside us. I feel so blessed to have been given this gift from God that I prayed so hard for. I am so incredibly grateful that I was chosen to be Matthew's mommy. I have also started to feel that twinge of guilt already about how much Abby's life is about to change. She definitely knows she is getting a baby brother, but she has no concept of what that means for Mommy's time and attention. The other day she got very sad and told me she likes Matthew's room better than her room and I almost cried. I know these are all very real and normal emotions that all big brothers and sisters go through so I just keep reminding myself that I am giving her a friend for life, even though she may not understand that for many many years. I suppose I just have to do the best that I can to keep her involved in everything I have to do for Matthew. I know she is going to be a great big sister and will love helping take care of him.